See how it shines

She had to admit that there was a beauty to the still body held in her arms. The soft fur losing the warmth that was embedded in it, one of life’s last desperate attempts to cling to its skin. The deer’s eyes were wide open, slightly watery at the edges, as if they were stuck right at the moment when tears were formed. It was still too early for the coldness to settle. For the numbness to reach deep into the bones and turn the flesh rotten. 

She will always be afraid of herself before taking the first bite, her fingers clutching the stomach of a creature whose only mistake was existing at the exact time and place of the hunt. Hunger rumbled in her stomach, reminding her of the reason she came here, guided by nothing but a dull moonlight, small feet scrunching on the forest floor. She unwrapped the knife Sophie gave her, tucked the handkerchief into her dress’s collar, and got to work. The blade ran smoothly along the skin, uncovering the pungent smell of blood and entrails. She focused on the legs, they had the most meat and no organs that spilled their gore all over the place. She had to keep it clean, as clean as eating a deer in the dark could be. 

If you told her, years ago, that she would find the taste of raw meat to be the most appetizing of meals, she would’ve been horrified. In fact, anyone else would be horrified to see her eyes roll at the first bite, the tremors running along her forearms, goosebumps rising in pleasure. This was the one thing she could never give up, no matter how mentally taxing the build up to the moment was. 

It was worth it.

How far would one go for love?

In Lara's younger years, the books she read always had a desperation about them, a sort of love that pushed lovers to commit the most illogical acts without a second thought. That sort of full, unconditional obsession was the only thing that satiated her hunger for intimacy. She yearned for a partner she could spill her guts for, someone whose very existence would completely overwhelm her senses and hold her captive. 

The few affairs she had, with scrawny boys that only wanted to touch her chest or slip a hand under her skirts, were hardly satisfying. They didn’t appreciate the love poems she wrote, nor did they accept to share a blood oath of eternal devotion with her. Once, she found a sorcery book in her father's study, and looked for a love spell. When she showed it to Arthur, and told him that completing the ritual would bond them for an eternity, he scoffed, called her crazy, and proceeded to tell the neighborhood's children that she was a witch. It took weeks of them throwing apple pits and pine cones at her before her mother caught on and baked a cake for the kids. The cake was so good that they stopped bothering her, but Lara thinks it was actually because of the scolding they got from her father that they left her alone. He was quite a scary man. 

When Lara turned 18, her uncle's farm hand died falling from a tree, and Lara's dad offered to take one of his children into their custody to help the family through the hard time. 

That's when Sophie moved in.

She was shorter than Lara, had a roundness about her that made her look younger than her age, but the twinkling of her eyes and the elegance of her manners made it obvious that she was slightly older than Lara. The first few days, she kept to herself, picking up books from the living room's shelves and reading them in the garden, under the apricot tree that never bloomed. It took everything in Lara to not bother her when she looked like she enjoyed the solitude, but it was enticing to get to know a person that shared your home, a person whose whereabouts were a complete mystery.

“You know, there's better shade under the lemon tree on your right.”

Sophie's grey eyes slowly climbed Lara's body, taking their time before settling on her face. She stretched her lips in what was supposed to be a smile, but only contorted her cheeks and made her look even more unapproachable. 

“I like dead things.”

The shiver that went down Lara's spine made her go back to her room and burrow under her sheets, it felt as if a cold hand grabbed her body and shook it. She spent that night dreaming of Sophie's grey eyes looking at hers, unblinking and wide as saucers.

Meals in their home were a time of family gathering, and Lara spent them trying to figure out a way to crack Sophie's hard shell, to slither past it to get herself a friend. In Lara’s few years of being alive, she never really had a companion. Aside from her younger siblings, with whom she felt no sense of relatability, she had a lonely childhood. The desperation with which she approached her conquest was very clear, and she spent no energy on concealing it. At least, Sophie seemed amused by it, instead of strengthening her walls, she leaned closer to Lara, and slowly but surely reciprocated her affection. 

They sat next to each other under Lara’s favorite lemon tree, books in hand, and spent hours in the silence, interrupted only by Lara’s attempts at starting conversations, something that Sophie immediately shut down with a smile and a shushing sound. Lara felt restless, as much as she loved reading, she wasn’t the type to do it for long hours, without moving or talking. To pass the time, she took to staring at Sophie in between chapters. her new friend was closer to being a statue than a human. Her eyes slowly trailed down the pages, elegant hand flipping them with a precision that made Lara’s every move feel clumsy. Sometimes, when her posture started to hurt, she would lean her head back, shake her slender neck a bit, before resuming her reading. 

Lara’s eyes found it hard to leave the sinews of Sophie’s throat, the way sweat beads would run down it, the tautness of the muscles whenever she swallowed. Her golden hair always looked flawless from afar, but sitting this close to it Lara could see the way short strands coiled around her ears, how the bangs stuck to her dewy forehead. 

Sophie was something new to dissect and take apart, and Lara had her fun with doing it in her head everyday while her friend sat calmly and read book after book. 

That was until the first night they went on a hunt. 

When Sophie shook Lara under a full moon, their faces clear and ashen under its glow, she knew something was about to happen, something lifechanging, earthshattering, extraordinary. They walked out of the house, deeper into the forest, no word exchanged between them. To Lara, it was not about what would be happening, but the fact that she was considered close enough to her new friend to be asked to join her on an adventure. 

That was until she watched Sophie hike up her skirt, move her hand under her stockings, and pull out a knife. 

And when the knife was pushed into her hand, handle first, Sophie's eyes wide, unblinking, boring into her face with a steely determination, the night turned from a simple outing between friends to Lara discovering what love truly was. 

Diving teeth first into a still warm cadaver.

Text : Marwa Damaan

Illustration : Nouha Naciri Bennani