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What do I do with this love?

Today I woke up as one does. I had my cup of coffee, part of a routine I don't dare disturb. I wore the same outfit I had on yesterday, it wasn't hard to find it. It was right where I left it last night. And the night before. In a sad heap by the foot of my bed. I couldn't wear my rings, or anything on my wrist, its heaviness would make everything else unbearable. I left the house, keys jingling as I shoved them in my bag. I would struggle to fish them out of the mess when I get back, but that's something I'll have to figure out later. The bus is late, it always is. By the time I can see its carcass in the horizon, I've already developed a dull ache in my left knee. I wince as I climb the step. I pay the man whose face won't hold a place in my memories, they are already filled to the brim. I take a space to sway back and forth during a journey I know too well. The familiarity of it all is what makes it easy to navigate. It requires no effort to redo someth...

À ceux qui rêvent de bottes mal cirées, de veston médiocre et de chapeaux bas-de-forme (2)

Le videur me scrute avec ce regard d’homme habitué à voir les âmes chavirer. Il n’a pas besoin de parler. Son corps massif est une injonction silencieuse : l’heure est venue de quitter ce refuge de misère, d’aller s’effondrer ailleurs. Je lui rends un sourire absent, un rictus d’homme qui sait qu’il n’a plus rien à perdre. J’ai dépassé l’heure où l’on tolère les âmes trop pleines de regrets. Alors je me lève, lentement, comme si la nuit elle-même pesait sur mes épaules. Mon verre est vide, ma poche aussi. Je jette quelques pièces sur la table, mais elles ne font qu’un bruit sourd, comme un écho lointain. Dehors, la nuit s’étire, indifférente. La brume danse sur les pavés humides, et les réverbères projettent des ombres déformées sur les façades. L’air sent le bois mouillé et le charbon, un parfum d’hiver qui s’attarde. J’enfonce mes mains dans les poches de ma redingote élimée et me laisse avaler par la rue. Les pavés brillent sous l’humidité, scintillent comme s’ils reten...

To you, my June

I am sick of the smell of this hospital. It irritates my nostrils, I hope I never get to smell it again. The beds are washed with low quality bleach, the one they get for dirt cheap, its stench so strong it blinds you at first. They wash the sheets everyday, as if us breathing on them, touching them, is enough to sully their fabric to the point of no return. The nurses look at you, the most beautiful man to have walked this earth, and turn their scrunched noses away. They never see past your chart. They don't glimpse the ethereal beauty that entranced me the first time I saw you, that got me hooked until now. I walked into a room so familiar it felt like home. All the voices harmonizing on that stage were ones I knew and loved. Gary's baritone, Adam's slightly higher pitch, and Paul's inability to hold a note, they all mixed into an amalgamation of sounds that felt like a hug. I was never a singer before meeting these people, never cared for it, but I was starved for ...

Toubib Or Not To Be

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