Toubib Or Not To Be

The way I lead my life is nothing but a peculiar form of this thought experiment that come to life: a shadow-like creature, overarching and overwhelmingly strong. The more I try to chase it, the harder it strikes back, inevitable and imminent, dragging me with its claws all the way back to everything I swore I'd try to grow out of. It finds its way to me in the small and big joys and wins alike, the heartaches, the nights spent crying, the times I'm taking part in something I love, following me everywhere regardless. Inescapable. It's emblazoned in the cracks of whatever state of mind I find myself in. I seek it during the aftermath, interrupting the course of the experience in doing so, almost as if I were creating a barrier of opposition to the purpose of it all, although I never recall myself indulging in those activities with a goal like that in mind. I constantly find myself demanding an audience for my sadness, my joy, my despair, and my enjoyment. For my mere existen...