Accéder au contenu principal

Breaking up with Plato

 




Plato was what brought us together and apart. For he was the one to shape friendship. Were he to stay quiet, he would have saved me from the pain of knowing you. Maybe Plato is innocent, and I’m just trying to lash out at the first person that comes to mind. Before you, I thought of myself as solitary in my existence. I didn’t allow anyone in, for fear they’ll know me for what I am. However, Life had a vicious way of teaching me that I was not alone, and that was by bringing you to me. Regardless, I’m still grateful for that because for the first time Plato’s words resonated with me. At that time, I took my first breath as someone who was finally not alone. I was euphoric for having someone who knew me as I knew myself, who I didn’t scare off by the ugliness of my soul and who taught me how to embrace my flaws and reflect on them. And for that, I’m sincerely grateful because, for once, I didn't feel ashamed of being vulnerable. Our friendship blossomed like tree flowers in the spring,but of course, they had to wither in front of winter's anger.



Winter came with its strong storms, whisked you away, and carried you far away from me, leaving only memories behind. And God were those memories cunning. Sometimes they would resurge in my weakest moments and make me remember the warmth and genuine love I had for you, urging me to reach out to you again. Other times, they painted you as your wickedest self and made me draw back, urging me to loathe you. I loath you for knowing me and leaving nonetheless. And thus, memories were the wickest torture my body has ever experienced. I replayed our moments so many times in hope of finding excuses for why you left.



Summer came ,and you came back ,but you weren’t the same. My brain had already established what kind of person you are now. I couldn’t look you in the eyes without thinking about how you broke me. Even Kintsugi can't fix my heart after it was dismantled to pieces. It can never be whole again. Thus, the last meeting and eternal goodbye of summer’s warmth.






Hiba ABBASSI 

Commentaires

Posts les plus consultés de ce blog

The last confession

Parents are forgotten gods. My first act of worship was not a prayer but irrevocable love for my parents. It was easy to cast parents as gods when they were your eyes to a new life. The slow movement of your mouth as your teeth grind food, the small steps that you take confidently in a stride now, the smile that goes too wide because there is no shame in showing a moment of joy: all of my parents’ teachings live through me. I was their New Testament, their Vedas, their Torah, and so were they to me. Their voices wrestled in my head at every decision. What would my parents do? In moments of fear, I reached for the safe blanket of parental security to take cover in. Their ideas seemed so big and inconceivable. My inexperience ascended them to the pedestal of gods. I sought their blessing as earnestly as any believer. Heaven was the small smile of approval. Hell was the disappointment concealed behind indifference. It was important to maintain this balance, albeit impossible; my brain fou...

التذكرة رقم 21

زارته الكلمات قبل أشعة الشمس. لا يزال مستلقيًا على نفس السرير، تكاد تجزم أنه فارق الحياة في نومه، غير أن حركات معطفه المعلَّق على جانب السرير، تباعًا لكل شهيق، كانت تُثبت عكس ذلك. فتح عينيه وانتظر بضع ثوانٍ حتى يرى النور يتسلل عبر الخزانة، ليدرك أنه فصل جديد، أو كما يحب أن يسميه منذ أسابيع: الرقصة الأخيرة. شقةٌ تتوسّل الانفصال. يتجوّل فيها قليلًا وكأنه يودّع ما تبقّى ويحزن على ما غادر. كانت بالأمس القريب ملتقى للحكايات والنكات، وها هي الآن بالكاد تهمس بما تبقّى من صدى الأصوات. ألقى معطفه فوق كتفه، فزاده ثِقَلًا، ثم حمل عكازه وغادر دون أن يلتفت، ولو لثانية واحدة من الحنين. أمام المأوى لا يختلف المشهد كثيرًا؛ رصيفٌ لا تقبله حتى الزبالة، ومنازل تهمس لبعضها عن قساوة ما يسكنها. خطواته متثاقلة، يبطئها ضعف الجسد وتثقلها قوة الهموم. يعرف طريقه جيدًا، يتوقف أمام المقهى — مُرغمًا تارة، ومُغرَمًا تارةً أخرى. كان يحب الشطرنج؛ لعلّه يرى في قطعه بقايا الفرسان الذين كانهم يومًا ما. غادر جلّ أصدقائه المقهى… والحيّ ربما؟ كل ما يعلمه أن من تبقّى بدأ يتآكل بالنسيان. لم يقضِ سوى بضع دقائق جالسًا. استأذن ب...

What do I do with this love?

  Today I woke up as one does. I had my cup of coffee, part of a routine I don't dare disturb. I wore the same outfit I had on yesterday, it wasn't hard to find it. It was right where I left it last night. And the night before. In a sad heap by the foot of my bed. I couldn't wear my rings, or anything on my wrist, its heaviness would make everything else unbearable. I left the house, keys jingling as I shoved them in my bag. I would struggle to fish them out of the mess when I get back, but that's something I'll have to figure out later. The bus is late, it always is. By the time I can see its carcass in the horizon, I've already developed a dull ache in my left knee. I wince as I climb the step. I pay the man whose face won't hold a place in my memories, they are already filled to the brim. I take a space to sway back and forth during a journey I know too well. The familiarity of it all is what makes it easy to navigate. It requires no effort to redo someth...